“Authenticity to yourself.”
A phrase we repeat so often that it begins to lose its edges.
What does it really mean? And what do we mean when we speak about boundaries?
Why does it hurt when we finally stand up for them—when we guard the quiet sanctuary within us from people we no longer wish to invite inside?
For a long time, I believed that the pain I felt meant I had done something wrong. Perhaps I had been too harsh. Too distant. Let the leash on my coldness be too loose.
But when I sat with the feeling long enough, something else revealed itself.
The hurt was not born from cruelty. It came from delay.
From opening my gates too quickly…and closing them too late. Sometimes curiosity leads us there. Sometimes our own kindness, our own memories and experiences make us want to see where a connection might lead. We want to watch the story unfold.
Hopeless romantics—like myself—have a habit of chasing butterflies, and what is curiosity if not a butterfly.
But sometimes, in the chase, we forget that the gates to our inner kingdom were meant to be guarded. That there is a core within us, meant just for us. It is not to be a walking hallway for visitors but rather a quiet throne room for our own being. But we forget this and let people wander farther inside than they were ever meant to go.
When I reflect on my own experiences so far, with honesty, I realize something uncomfortable. I am not always authentic to my own inner weather either. I am kinder than I actually feel, softer than the truth inside me waiting to whip out.
Not out of manipulation, but out of politeness. Born out of the quiet instinct developed over lifetimes to soften distance. To hurt people less and tread softly through the world. We think we are living in tandem with our higher self, our more aligned versions, but we hurt, we cry, and we fall- when we realize the breach, the alarm blaring off as our inner sanctuary was treaded upon, trespassed, or even in extreme cases violated.
That softness had become a disguise. Because we forgot the key in the lock instead of taking it with us.
So, what is Authenticity to yourself?
Authenticity is not only about admitting what hurts us, what we want, how we feel, but it is also about honoring the distance we feel, being mindful of what our inner being wants of us in a moment, and how to change our external environment.
It is akin to caring for a baby, a pet. It is truly about tending to our own inner garden and sanctuary, designing it in a way that we want it to be.
Even when it is inconvenient.
Even when it disappoints someone.
Even when we are confused.
Even when we don’t know.
Even when everyone around us says otherwise.
So what is authenticity? How tightly should we hold it?
When should we loosen our grip…and when should we wrap it firmly around our fists?
These are not questions we answer once but must return to again and again.
Which is why this month is an invitation. An invitation to open the gates within.
To step inside the inner citadel.
To enter the quiet throne room of the self.
To sit there.
Patiently.
Listening.
Waiting for the one who has been watching our lives unfold from the shadows.
We sit until the deeper voice within us arrives. She comes slowly, but when she does, she speaks with unsettling clarity. She tells us exactly what our problem is. How can we overcome it? She tells us why we keep welcoming the same kind of people into our lives. Why do we repeat the same patterns in relationships? Why are we perpetually dissatisfied with our lives?
We need to have this inward council. This is perhaps the most important meeting we can ever have.
So again we ask — What does it mean to be authentic to yourself?
Perhaps it begins with something very simple. Not lying to yourself about what you feel.
But gradually it reveals to be deeper than that. Authenticity runs deeper than honesty. It asks something braver of us. It asks us to embody the archetype we were designed to live. To play our role in this strange play of existence without shrinking, softening, or distorting the script written into our bones.
I admit that it is not an easy task.
The play is filled with people who would rather lash and hurt people instead of facing the inner council. They rarely understand people who would want to live any other way.
Instead, it’s safer to live in a transfixed way of thinking, living, and being. Fixed beliefs are easier to defend. It is safer, more predictable, and keeps them on a moral high ground, no matter how fragile the foundation is. It keeps them from facing the other side of the coin, “I may be wrong”.
The tussle and tension that exists between beings is because every actor feels this way, and so they lash out like wolves defending their territory.
Ideas clash.
Egos clash.
Identities merge or vanish altogether.
Authenticity, however, walks another road. It is the path of darkness which will eventually lead to light- but it requires hard work.
Strangely enough, many people never discover what truly makes them feel alive. Not because the answers are hidden. But because those answers require something difficult.
They require us to become students of ourselves. To observe our patterns, examine our desires, and question the stories we tell about who we are. That kind of self-study demands humility. It becomes a way of life.
It begins with the realization that we are not perfect, nor were we ever meant to be.
“Completion implies perfection. But human beings were not designed to be complete. We are unfinished manuscripts.”
-Ru
Ever evolving.
Ever deciphering.
Ever refining.
Complex creatures animated by a restless mind…
and quietly illuminated by a soul.
If authenticity to yourself is anything at all, perhaps it is this:
The courage to remain in conversation with yourself. Again and again.
Until the person you present to the world
finally begins to resemble the one who lives within.
External Sources
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